| Well...I suppose since I joke around a lot and always seem absolutely perfect it is completely proper just go ahead and crush my feelings when they are actually very good.
See, right now since it's summer, I am emotionally very delicate because it is usually the time of year when the people start packing on the pounds. You know, barbeques (sp?), staying up late watching movies while eating junk food, eating whatever for lunch...etc. But I am trying my absolute hardest not to gain anything. When I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, I found out I weighed (at this point, I don't really give a fuck about people reading this) 149 lbs and my BMI was 23.3. I was so incredibly happy! For once in my life, I was semi-happy with myself. Then came the Promotional Dance at school. I was so looking forward to it because I knew my top and pants were going to fit perfectly and they did. Mom put on my make-up and when I was able to finally look in the mirror, I was ecstatic. I actually liked what I saw. And it was probably the only time when I looked sort of decent. So when we got to the dance, I didn't feel uncomfortable when Veronica or Cheryl took my picture. For the rest of the night, I had such a great time.
Today, I finally go the pictures and looked at them. They were very nice. I actually like the ones with me in it. So I printed some out and started organizing them. Then *** came in. I thought *** would say something along the lines of "wow, you guys look great" or "Maria, you look pretty", but that wasn't the case. *** says "geez, you guys are hideious."    . Ok, I knew *** was kidding, but still, it hurt. I starved myself insane for about 3 months and I didn't get the approval of how I turned out?! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!! :'(. I almost began crying. I keep reminding myself *** was kidding but that was the last thing I needed right now. |
